Guest Column: Travels with Mom

My mother travels the world quite frequently – and sends the best e-mails from her trips. I keep telling her to start a blog, and she says “what’s a blog?”

Mom’s a little scared of the interwebs. . .yet she wants me to sign up for JDate? Apparently, in her mind, there are no Jewish stalkers.

Anyways, enjoy the first installment of Travels with Mom. This week, she’s at a Spa in Ixtapa, Mexico:

Subject: Hola from Mexico (part one)

Hi all,

Here we are at the Spa in Mexico. We have been Loofahed, salted, bathed in mud, facialed, massaged, reflexed,scalp treated, manicured, pedicured, and exercised and its only day two. I am exhausted. My first massage was quite a trip the woman beat the hell out of me. I have requested a new massage person. The food in the Spa dining room leaves something to be desired like taste. I think tonight I will be eating in the regular dining room . That’s where all the Mexican’s eat as they laugh at the gringos eating in the spa dining room. People come back here year after year. I find that amazing. I guess they find pleasure in being starved and tortured. Otherwise, this is wonderful!!! Oh,. what I let my sister talk me into. It will be good for you. Yeah right! Hope you are all well.

Pam

Subject: Hola from Mexico (part two)

I have survived another day at Spa. This place is just surreal! Every night we go for cocktails before dinner (yes they allow that) which they serve with these delicious roasted nuts in a Margarita glass. The minute the nuts arrive all 15 of the starving women I am with dive for the nuts. Some of them take possession of the nuts and won’t let go or share. It is pretty much a feeding frenzy. Every woman for herself. As the waiter brings more nuts we lie in wait ready to lunge. At dinner, if the food is particularly bad they bring us Margaritas to drink, so we won’t notice how bad it really is. I don’t know, but it seems sort of counter productive to feed us like rabbits and then ply us with Margaritas and hope we won’t notice we are starving.I have had two more massage people only one of them didn’t want to beat me. I have requested her again. Funny, no one else is being beaten. What am I doing wrong to bring out such hostility in these people.

We play Spanish Bingo at night which is quite challenging,because I don’t understand the callers english any better than his spanish. I actually won and knew I won. I felt good about that. I won 30 minutes on the internet. The equivalent of $3.00. I am going to need a long rest when I come home and lots of compresses for my aching beaten body. Every day I hear how good it is for me. Oh, what I would do for a bagel and a little cream cheese. You have no idea.

Pam

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